Stigmas and Stilettos : "To the Ladies in the Place with Style and...GRACE"

This blog post give reasons for the importance of friendships, and the hardships that arose for me, who combats mental illness, while in friendships. Please allow me to share an article with you:

Maintaining Friendships and Relationships With Bipolar Disorder
BY KAIT SCHNEIDER NOVEMBER 2, 2013

Friendships play an important role in a person’s life. It is crucial for humans to have friends as it is extremely beneficial to their overall health and well-being. Friends are definitely a necessity. They are an extension of ourselves, like family. They are there to encourage us, love us, accept us, and support us. They are one of life’s most special and precious gifts.

For a person who lives with bipolar disorder, it can be rather difficult for them to maintain and have success in their friendships and relationships. Some with bipolar disorder have trouble relating to their peers. Due to low self-esteem and other factors, they may automatically feel “different” or like an outsider which can make it complicated to pursue a friendship. There are also days or times where those who live with this condition don’t wish to associate with anyone at all. They may be experiencing bouts of depression and want time to themselves until they feel well again. When bipolar individuals are depressed, they often push others away in ways that don’t always seem to make sense – especially if they are pushing away the people they care about the most. They may even say or do hurtful things that they later feel terrible about. It is not always known why those with bipolar push the ones they love away, but it almost seems as if it’s a type of defense or protection.

Additionally, in times of despair, it isn’t easy for a person with bipolar to keep in contact or feel up to hanging out with friends. This is one of the most common ways that some with bipolar have managed to lose friendships over time. It is common for them to call off plans or reschedule due to how they are feeling on a certain day. They may not even contact anyone for a few days or weeks depending on their health and mindset. Keeping in contact with friends can be tough even for those who don’t live with a mental illness though. Relationships in general can be strenuous to manage at times. It’s never super easy no matter who you are.

For a friend of someone who lives with bipolar:

It is important to try to understand, give them space if needed, and try not to take what they may say or do personally even though it can be incredibly difficult. If they cancel plans, know that they may need to take a day to recuperate and that it isn’t anything personal. It can be hard to understand and process that this person is truly not themselves during times like these. It can take a lot of patience, understanding, and a strong, loyal person to be a good friend to them during the rough moments.

Tips on how to succeed in friendships when you live with bipolar disorder:
Be upfront, honest, and inform your friends of how this illness can affect you and the relationship. Make sure they understand and are open to helping in any way they can.
Explain to them clearly how they can help you when you need it so there isn’t any guessing or confusion.
Pick and associate with the right people. Look for those who possess positive qualities. Not everyone will be a positive influence or understanding and patient. If this is the case, you may be better off in the long run so it doesn’t end up adding more stress to your plate.

Be good to yourself and try not to beat yourself up for not always being reliable. It doesn’t mean that you are a bad friend by any means. It’s not your fault… It will be alright.

Sadly, I have lost all my "best friends" from high school because we had too many "roller coasters," too many "ups and downs," too many "highs and lows," too many "I can't believe you just said that," too many "You don't need to do that to get attention," too many, "Here we go again," too many "It's always something with her". We all became emotionally worn out, and just "over it". What were we over? Not understanding why I did the things I did.

Then I grew up...your past stays where it is, and does not change.

I needed a new identity. I grew apart from my former childhood, preteen, teenager -self.

I met "Virginia" during my college years- she is the absolute best friend. She is the definition of a true best friend. She is a very special person in my life. She is the person I think about when I make plans, other than my husband, and the two other girls I will write about next. She is the the first person I go to when I need someone to talk to. I will call her just to talk about our day, or the most important things in our lives. When I am sad, she will try her hardest to cheer me up, no matter what. She gives the best hugs in the world, besides my husband; because she, just being who she is, and her essence, means everything to me. She is one of the shoulders I cry on (even if it's over the phone) because I know that she genuinely and honestly cares about me. In most cases, I would take a bullet for her, because it would be too painful to watch her get hurt. She is my soul-sister.

"Idaho," "Hostess," and I met rather close together in time. We quickly became a fun group of friends, who would soon become best friends, when the three of our hearts joined together. I look up to "Idaho" because she is an independent, married woman. She is a woman who pays her own bills, buys her own things, and does not allow men to affect her stability or self-confidence. She supports her self on her own entirely and is proud to be able to do so. She adores her husband, and they have a beautiful relationship. She has proven to me that you do not have to lose yourself in your relationship like I have done so many times. "Hostess" is a sweetheart, and completely genuine. She is someone who's kind-hearted, nice, sweet, a great person, amazing personality, lovely to be around and just a great friend. Both "Idaho" and "Hostess" are completely real. They are true to themselves, authentic, honest, original, positive, sincere, solid, and undeniable.