Stigmas and Stilettos

As I lay in bed last night, the first night that I was aware that our baby was with Jesus, I found myself talking to the Lord, asking the Lord to hold our baby the way we long to hold our baby. I asked Heavenly Father to nuzzle our baby's smooth head under Heavenly Father's chin, on His neck. To let His neck perfectly mold into our baby's head, and be the perfect resting place. I asked Heavenly Father to breathe in our baby's sweet scent, and be intoxicated by it. Breathing it in deeply, all the while His breath soothes our baby. I asked the He feel the in-and-out motion our baby's breathing creates, as he or she is held against Heavenly Father's chest. I requested that Heavenly Father feel the plump roundness of that sweet baby bottom, and gently pat our baby's bottom in rhythm with our baby's heart, who has the honor of mimicking Heavenly Father's own heart...the most pure heart of all. I prayed for Heavenly Father to sing a song to our baby, whispering the lyrics in our babies tiny, and impressionable ear: "All night. All day. Angels in the morning. Angels in the evening. All night. All day. Angels watching over me." This nursery rhyme holds a whole new meaning now, and completely new imagery.
Today I am praying to Heavenly Father that our baby knows that his mommy and daddy are never far away, and are ready to be with him or her at any moment, and our choice is to be there. I want our baby to know that it is not his or her parents' choice to not physically be there right now. We had zero say in this decision. It was Heavenly Father's choice, for whatever reason. I pray our baby is comforted by the true reason, and feels unconditionally loved by it. I never want our baby to feel alone, or abandoned. Never. Not for a split second. I want our baby to feel that I carry him or her still, in my spirit, and my spirit was created by Heavenly Father; just as our baby's spirit was created by Heavenly Father. We are with one another through our spirit, even when we are not physically with one another. I am relieved to know our baby is being doted on in Heaven by his or her great-grandparents, who are beyond thrilled to be holding our baby in honor of Mommy and Daddy.

I feel you my Sweet Little Love. I feel you deeply. I pray that you feel Mommy and Daddy too. Mommy has to be allowed to believe that you feel me.

I am here, living to die so that I can be with you in Heaven.