Adding an Andrews

It has been several months since I have written about anything. Fortunately a major reason for this is that life has been busy, stable, calm, consistent, and relaxed. I felt the nudge tonight to write about the phase of life that we have just recently entered. We are currently trying to start our family. It has been my ultimate dream to be a mother, and I am entering the first block on a long road.

In recent years I had a gut feeling that having a baby would not be a simple and quick process for me. I could not fathom that the medication I have taken throughout the years would not have some sort of effect on my ability to carry a child, or even get pregnant in the first place. I also could not imagine what pregnancy would be like for someone who has struggled with the mental and emotional battles I have overcome. As many know, I have spent the last couple years detoxing off medication; specifically anxiety medications. I am full of joy saying that I feel so much better off these medications than I ever did when I was on them. I am also joyful saying that it is going on seven months since I had my very last anxiety pill.

The doctors who I work closely with, as well as family and friends, all agree the two particular medications I still take are beneficial to my overall wellbeing and definitely help me function healthfully. Realizing that these last two medicines are needed I did not know what would happen once we started trying for a baby and once I was pregnant.

The first step we took was to work closely with my mental health professionals. I also met with my OBGYN to take the steps I needed to take to get my body and mind ready to start the conception process. I knew my pregnancy will be considered high risk, but I did not know exactly what that entails. My biggest concern was that I would not be able to take any medications to keep me in the stable place I am today, or that medication would harm our baby. Of course I heard and read every medication horror story, and before I had taken any steps to prepare for conception I made sure to properly scare myself with research ;) Anyone who knows me well knows I am a research-aholic. I like to know every little detail about every little possibility to a fault. By the time I met with my first OBGYN I felt like I knew more about high risk pregnancy then she did ;)

I have never struggled with high blood pressure; in fact I tend to have low blood pressure; but the day I went to meet the OBGYN and get my first genuine prenatal assessment, my blood pressure was through the roof. She assured me it was simply nerves, and a follow up blood pressure test at a pharmacy the next day proved she was right.  I realized finding the right OB would be a process after meeting with her as well.

One of my biggest fears were the "what ifs" in regards to taking medication or not taking medication during the prenatal process. The Lord completely took care of everything. It turns out that there are several medications, including the ones I just happen to be taking, that are no more harmful to a developing baby than taking Tylenol. The categories of medication were completely explained to me in regards to risk to a developing baby, and my anxiety was completely addressed. I had this horrible image in my mind of having to completely detox off any medication, and living a 10 month mental hell in order to have a healthy child. Of course I would go through absolutely anything to keep my children healthy and safe, but it was extremely encouraging to know that 10 months of emotional instability due to unmedicated mental health conditions was not going to be necessary.

All I have learned through my own experiences and worries will be manifested towards directing my child or children, under the Lord's guidance, down the path that they can paint gold.

I am currently taking holistic fertility supplements to balance my hormones, a prenatal vitamin, and an extra dose of folic acid. These supplements are to help rejuvenate my system from any suppression from past or present medications, and the extra folic acid is an added precaution against medication side effects transmitting to a developing baby. I am also training with a professional trainer at least three days a week to help me gain top physical health, and lose the weight gained from anxiety medications. All of this is before I even get pregnant so our baby has healthy development conditions from their first second of life.

My mindset is simply; A healthier me and healthier baby. I am in the headspace that everything I do now is for my future children and our family. As each month has passed without a successful conception I do find myself feeling discouraged. One thing I never doubt is that I WILL be a mother, and a great mother at that. My dream right now is a healthy pregnancy, healthy baby. Of course no matter what circumstances may come with our child I want him or her to know that they have been prayed for all my life, before there was life in them. They have been wanted all my life before I even know who they are. They are loved now, even before they have been created. They have a mom who has gone through fire so I have the knowledge on how to help put out there's. They have a mom who was created, so that they could be created. They have parents who want to teach them about Jesus, so that He can give them everything this earth cannot give them. I want them to know that they are so desperately wanted, dreamed about, prayed about, planned for, and cried over.

My heart has belonged to them before their heart has taken it's first beat.